


Biology is not conducive to chemistry

by Ki_Ken_Tai_Ichi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America is a Nerd (Hetalia), America loves to learn, Brothers America & Canada (Hetalia), Brotp, But they visit a university, Canada loves the ladies, Canon Compliant, Gen, just like his papa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23500414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_Ken_Tai_Ichi/pseuds/Ki_Ken_Tai_Ichi
Summary: Canada and America like to go to university every once in a while.America to catch up on new science. Canada to pick up chicks.Their different intentions don’t always line up harmoniously.
Relationships: America & Canada (Hetalia)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	Biology is not conducive to chemistry

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this way back in, like, 2016, and finally got around to adding the final bits and pieces to it.  
> Inspired by some headcanon I saw on Tumblr about America and Canada going to universities to sit in on classes and pick up chicks respectively.

* * *

“The Reproductive Sciences is one of the few sub-studies of biology that so greatly impact the whole of the humanity, as without reproduction our species cannot continue regardless of our personal health and wellbeing. Tell me, out of these statistics, which is true?”

The slide shown on the screen in the front of the lecture hall changed from the title to the four statements:

‘One in six couples require help in fertilization’

‘One in twelve couples require help in fertilization’

‘One in seventeen couples require help in fertilization’

‘One in twenty couples require help in fertilization’

After a few moments, the lecturer took a class vote via raising hands before divulging the answer. “One in six couples in modern day require clinical assistance in conceiving.” Alfred, who had chosen the third option, was mildly surprised at such a large number. After all, he’d seen centuries of history and people in the past seemed to have gotten along just fine without today’s technology. Though as the lecture brought up, the overall increase of age in people starting families was a large factor in this statistic.

“There are other reasons too, however. The primary reason, accounting for at least 1/3 of problems with fertilization, pertain to the male partner and his sperm count. Sometimes there isn’t enough spermatozoon per milliliter of semen, sometimes there is enough but the majority is too mutated to properly fertilize. About 1/3 of problems pertain to a variety of factors relating to the female partner, the egg was dropped sooner or later than expected, the fallopian tubes many be twisted or torn; there are other reasons we’ll get to later in the lecture. The last portion of problems is a catch all. Anything from incorrect timing to improper copulation, or if we simply don’t know why it’s failing.”

The lecture paused here and smirked. “This last section can provide a great deal of stress, but a wealth of humor as well. Just a few weeks ago I had a couple enter my clinic because they’d been trying to conceive for a few months. I asked them a few questions, so I could determine what was wrong through less invasive testing, and discovered that these two weren’t in fact having sex properly.”

He paused again as the class chuckled for half a second and his smirk grew a bit. “Then, of course, as scientists we are faced with the moral quandary of whether we should allow such humans to procreate.”

It was here that the class laughed loud and long, including Alfred. Both at the ignorance of such a basic, one could argue instinctive, action as sex, and the professor’s wry witticism of it.

Oh, how he had missed biology courses. While physics was fascinating –and his main focus of the past couple years- the dry humor and examination of humanity as a mere subject in a petri dish couldn’t be found anywhere else.

Just as the professor launched into the meat of the lecture, Alfred allowed one fleeting question to cross his mind before bringing his full focus to the front of the room: “ _I wonder how Mattie’s doing?”_

\----------

Matthew nodded, his gesture set at a sedated pace to showcase his interest but not come across as too eager.

The first girl, Mary, explained that she was a third-year archeology major with a deep passion for the missing Roanoke Colony. Matthew made a mental note to keep her away from Alfred so as to prevent any bad memories from springing up as the other girl –a third year named Elizabeth- answered that her major was in political sciences. Matthew was about to provide his own reason for being at the university, Physical Therapy, when a loud voice paired with a half-tackle from behind interrupted him.

“Bro, get this! The alternating receptors to the Izumi signals on the spermatozoan membrane are called Juno! Like after the Roman Goddess of marriage and child birth. Isn’t that cool? I love it when scientists give little nods to ancient mythology. It’s like an Easter Egg in real life!”

The girls, momentarily startled by the appearance of his louder and overly excited brother, seemed to be confused as to what Alfred was prattling on about. Knowing that his brother had been attending a biology lecture, Matthew could only conclude that what he was spouting was some factoid he’d just learned. He nodded and murmured an agreement to what Alfred so passionately proclaimed before pointing his brother’s attention to the two girls in front of them rather than at him.

“Alfred, this is Mary and Elizabeth. Elizabeth studies political sciences, isn’t that neat?”

“Yeah?” Alfred asked, focusing on the taller of the two women. “Whadaya like about politics?” He asked, seemingly content with carrying on a conversation with this new person.

Suppressing a sigh of relief, Matthew turned back to Mary and tried to focus on what she was telling him. She was on the topic of her talent of sketching and the idea that maybe she could…if he was interested, I mean…draw him sometime, when Matthew caught what exactly Alfred was talking with Elizabeth about. After all, Matthew was instantly suspicious of anything that could make his brother’s hands so animated and voice so fast with excitement. Turns out he had every reason not to trust his brother, as of this moment it sounded like he was explaining the unification of male and female haploid sex cells in excruciating detail.

Sure enough, a quick exchange of meaningful eye contact between Elizabeth and Mary that Alfred had completely missed lead to the two leaving with more hurry than Matthew would have liked. Even though the soft, apologetic look Mary cast over her shoulder as they made their way through the quad made up for the sudden departure.

“Oh, guess they had class to get to.” Alfred spoke up, as annoyingly blissful as ever. Matthew bit the inside of his cheek as he willed away the urge to chew his brother out for his lack of social skills.

“Hey Mattie, you wanna head to a 2 pm lecture on autoimmunity in the respiratory system? We can hit up a food truck on the way to the Elion Lecture Theater?”

Matthew exhaled heavily, flushing out any residual misgivings he may have towards his brother with his breath. It wasn’t necessarily his fault that he was a nerd with all his priorities in the wrong places.

“Sure, sounds fun.” He replied with a small smile and a nod. Maybe he could try his luck with some biology majors.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> The information in the reproductive sciences lecture is all real, pulled straight from a lecture I had been given the week I wrote the majority of this fic. The commentary made by the lecturer is also close to word-for-word.


End file.
